Poisoned
by itsLisey
Summary: After Angela tells Jane about Maura's "male friend" Ian in the episode "My Own Worst Enemy", Jane is left feeling confused and angry over her reaction to the news. One-shot.


**This is just a drabble of nonsense because I wanted to write something. So I did.**

**Takes place during the episode "My Own Worst Enemy", shortly after Jane talks to Angela and Angela tells her about Ian. Later picks up at the end of the episode with Jane talking to Maura.  
**

**Enjoy.  
**

* * *

"Is this a punishment?" Jane asked herself. Her face seemed colorless, her eyes void of any emotion other than unexplainable pain. For once she was satisfied with the fact that she was uncomfortable wearing makeup; the lack of mascara streaks down her cheeks gave her a little bit of hope that she could walk out of the bathroom later with some dignity still in tact, even if she felt entirely pathetic. The door to the bathroom was locked but Jane hardly had to worry about anyone walking in. This bathroom was generally left alone, its floors unmistakably cleaner than the rest of the rooms in the building. It was tucked into the very corner of the Boston Department and few, if any, crossed its path. She tore her eyes from the mirror and starred down at her scarred, trembling hands. "What is wrong with me?"

On some level, she had always known. There was no way that her feelings for Maura were normal. Then again, what did she really have for comparison? Jane was hardly the type to ever have many friends, let alone friends that were girls. The Academy wasn't exactly teeming with them, and high school - well, Jane never really did like thinking about high school. Maura had been Jane's exception to the rules. She was the person she didn't mind talking to, the person she didn't mind sharing things with. Maura became everything that Jane never knew she even wanted.

And that led her here.

Her fist collided with the tile. She recoiled as quickly as she let loose, pulling her throbbing hand back with a searing hiss. "God dammit," Jane muttered through clenched teeth. Her back hit the wall, albeit less forcefully than her fist, and soon she felt the floor beneath her. Lanky arms came to tug her knees up, meeting her chest, and her head followed suit, cradled carefully atop the caps of her knees. When was the last time she had cried like this? She tried so hard to remember, but her thoughts were clouded with Maura's face. She was smiling. She was so happy. Not that Maura being happy was unusual, but this was different. Maura, if Jane dared to even admit to using this word, was positively _giddy. _

Jane didn't blame her mother for knowing. Hell, how could Angela not know about Ian before Jane? Jane wouldn't be surprised if there were things that she didn't know about Maura that Angela did, simply because Angela lived in such close proximity. But Jane knew that Maura took two sugar packets in her coffee. She also knew that, despite what everyone thought, Maura Isles was undoubtably the most difficult person to wake up that Jane ever did come across. Not even Tommy was so difficult to wake up before school. On Wednesday's, Maura always ate an apple with her lunch, but every other day she normally had a banana. Her favorite movies were old black and white romantics that Jane had a hard time taking a liking to, but she watched them anyway.

Not that Jane believed knowing these small details of her friend earned her any more right to Maura's personal life than anyone else, something inside of her was screaming. Why didn't Maura tell her? What was different about Ian? And why was it suddenly so different now?

And why, when Angela told Jane about Maura's 'male friend', did it feel like someone was repeatedly stabbing her in the stomach with a large, sharp knife drenched in poison?

Jane pulled herself up from the floor and staggered towards the sink, her hands cupping together to fill with cool water. She splashed it against her face, immediately soothing her warm skin. "Pull yourself together, Rizzoli." she muttered through gritted teeth. "Maura is your friend. Maura can date and be with whoever she wants. She's a grown ass woman. And so are you."

_I can't be in love with her.  
_

* * *

**Later:**

"Where's Ian?" asked Jane as she closed the door behind her. Maura was already walking away from her, her eyes red and cheeks dabbed with fresh tears.

She took a deep, shuddering breath. "He's gone. I harbored a fugitive, so go ahead and arrest me." Inexplicable happiness overcame Jane, but she paused to look at her friend – her very heartbroken, very sad friend. With her head cocked to the side, she said very clearly:

"I'm sorry." But Jane knew it was the biggest lie she had ever told.

"Because you won't be able to arrest him?" Maura replied, a tiny laugh barely recognizable behind her words.

Unable to tell the truth, Jane reached forward and grabbed a tissue from the box, handing it to Maura as quickly as she could. _Yeah, I wanted to arrest him, _Jane thought miserably. _I want to arrest the man you love so badly because I think I love you more than you could ever love him. _"Man, you've got it bad."

Maura choked back a sob and dabbed her eyes. "You know, when people talk about the loves of their lives... that's Ian."

It took everything inside Jane to respond. "You never mentioned him."

"Because I try to forget him."

"I-I'm sorry, Maura. I shouldn't have done what I did." she frowned. "It's none of my business." Maura's words from weeks ago echoed in Jane's head - "_You are my business." _

"I just... I can't... _talk _about him. I can't, with anybody, because it makes me so sad. How can you – how can you _love _someone, but not be able to be with them?" Jane stared at Maura, not being able to help the fact that she was thinking the exact same thing.

"Well why can't you?"

"He went back to Africa."

"Well," she said quickly. "You could go to Africa." Her heart thumped wildly in her chest.

"His crime is risking his life, to bring drugs and basic supplies to places that nobody cares about. And I helped him, so, go ahead and arrest me." Jane couldn't help but smile. Because as broken as the woman in front of her was, with tears running down her cheeks, her voice strained and thick from the hours of crying she surely had gone through before Jane had gotten there, all Maura could do was think about the right thing to do by the law. The love of her life was gone, and there Maura sat – _arrest me, _she said.

Jane scoffed and turned away from Maura, trying to find the right words to convey exactly what she was feeling without revealing all of her, all of the secrets she can't so desperately close under lock and key. "The first person I'm going to arrest is my _mother,_" The cupboards in Maura's kitchen each had several labels stamped on the front. "Wha – really? Highball glasses? When is the last time you had a highball? C'mon," she turned back to Maura, hoping the distraction from their conversation had proved beneficial for both of them – for Maura to momentarily forget Ian, and for Jane momentarily forget how much it was killing her to hear Maura talk about Ian.

Maura sniffled and brought her drink to her lips. "She rearranged my closet too."

"No!" gasped Jane playfully. "Not the closet."

"She threw away my shoe boxes." replied Maura weakly, almost sounding as if she were on the verge o crying again.

"Now that is a crime.." Jane grabbed another tissue and thrust it in Maura's direction. "Sorry." They both laughed and a silence fell between them, each woman lost in their own thoughts. Maura tugged at the unused tissue between her fingers, likely thinking about Ian, and Jane watched her, her eyes traveling from the beautiful, well manicured hands, up her strong arms to Maura's tired face. Even in the throws of an emotional crisis, Jane was awestruck at how beautiful her best friend truly was.

And that terrified her.

"Want me to drive you to the airport?" she said thickly, cutting the silence.

"No." Maura said after a minute. "No."

"Want me to sit with you until you feel better?" Jane's stomach flipped as she asked the question.

"Yeah." And they both smiled. "But first, can you arrest your mother?"

"Okay!" Jane said brightly. Together they laughed, their arms simultaneously reaching out for the warmth of the other. Each melted into the hug like they had done so many times before, but Jane found herself unwilling to pull away. _This is right, _she thought. _This is why I can't bare to see her with other guys. This is why the sound of Ian's name makes me want to hurl. Her arms always wrapping themselves around me, the way she smells like coconut, how she always runs her fingers through my hair... I love her. I love Maura Isles. _"It will be okay." Jane whispered, her eyes closing again as Maura's fingers ran down her back. Maura pulled away from the hug and smiled.

_I'm in love with her,_ Jane thought miserably.

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Let me know what you think :) Hope everyone has a great weekend!


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